Tag Archives: bad

What To Do When Someone Tells You You’re Not Good Enough

Throughout my career, I've been plagued by people telling me I'm not good enough. I've been rejected for more jobs than I care to remember. I've heard every excuse in the book for not being hired. Some of them were quite absurd and hard to swallow.

I've had my share of toxic bosses who have tried to hold me back. They used every chance they could get to put me down in an effort to make themselves look smart. They took credit for my ideas and then blamed me for their own failures.

After a while, it's hard not to start believing your haters. I know I did. My career began to plummet as a result. There will always be voices telling you you're not good enough. Telling you you're wasting your time and you should just give up.

Just because someone holds a fancier title than you or has a larger ego, doesn't mean they know what is best for your career. Many people in management positions are still trying to figure it out for themselves.

A few years ago, I fell into this trap. I started to believe that people with senior titles knew more than I did. Instead of continuing to work hard and push to move forward in my career, I began to accept the limitations that others were casting on me. The negative voices in my life were starting to drag me down.

The most difficult part of my journey has been to believe in myself and not listen to the people who were trying to hold me back. I love this quote from, Sean Stephenson: "Never believe a prediction that doesn't empower you."

Before I started blogging, I sought out advice from my boss, friends, family, and my mentors at the time. Not a single one of them advised me to start writing. Little did they know it would be my blogs that would propel my career forward and enable me to pivot into something I love.

Use your haters as an instrument for change and personal growth.

You don't have to listen to what everyone else thinks.
Always remember, the people who say you can't do something can't do it either! Not one person I sought advice from about starting a blog had ever made a dime from writing.

To overcome the negative voices of your haters, you need to seek out mentors who have been where you'd like to go. Seek out people who will coach you and empower you along your journey.

A good mentor will challenge you to get better. A good mentor will point out your shortcomings and tell you why you weren't good enough that particular day. However, unlike a hater, a good mentor will provide you with solutions for growth. These are the voices you should listen to.

To find success, keep grinding, improving your existing skills, and learning new ones.

Every day in life you have a choice to either listen to your haters and give in to self-doubt or go out there and make the changes you need to improve. Do something small each day to improve your career, and over time those small steps will turn into something big.

I've put the days of listening to haters in the past, and it's been amazingly liberating. Once I finally made this decision, it empowered me to begin achieving in my career again.

Originally published on my column in Inc. Magazine

 John White, MBA John White, MBA
Columnist • Inc Magazin

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It’s Your Life, Choose Your Doctor Wisely- Bad Choices Could Be Fatal

Lisa 🐝 Gallagher in Lifestyle, beBee in English, Healthcare
Brand Ambassador • beBee
It's Your Life, Choose Your Doctor Wisely- Bad Choices Could Be Fatal

I have been procrastinating or better yet, debating with myself about posting this article I'm about to write. I've been nudged by many to write and it's hard because it's such a personal topic. It's also a topic I hope sheds light- my goal is not attention seeking, it's my hope others may benefit from this article. 

Before we had Google

My husband (boyfriend at the time) was 18 years old and was always bruising easily, dislocating joints, had Chronic pain and bled easily too. He was also developing cysts on his elbows quite frequently.  I decided to use the Merck Manual and do some research. I was all too aware that he seemed to lack elasticity in his skin and that was why he was able to stretch his skin beyond the normal limits. After reading for a few weeks, I was convinced he had a disorder called Ehlers Danlos Syndrome. I told him to ask the Dr. to take a skin biopsy and send it off to a lab in order to rule this out. He thought I was nuts but he did bring it to the Dr's attention and one month later the diagnosis was confirmed- it was EDS.  EDS is a connective tissue disorder and patients don't produce enough collagen. There are many types of EDS, his is the most common form, The Hypermobility type which is what he has. 

And so our journey began with the Health Care System

Aside from the fact that he developed Bacterial Meningitis, Guillain Barre Syndrome, Basilar Migraines, Asthma, and Sarcoidosis, all before the age of 25, he rarely missed a day from work since the age of 14 when he began working 35 hours per week in order to pay for his Catholic Education.  My husband's work ethic is not only mind boggling to me but admirable. I believe he chose to focus on work instead of focusing on his ailments.  

When my husband was 39 years old he had GERD so bad he would wake up choking (literally) at night because he was aspirating. After tests were performed they concluded his Esophagus was flaccid. The valve which should close completely wasn't and it was stretched because of his underlying connective tissue disorder. He had surgery to tighten the Esophagus.

Our experience with the Physician who did the initial surgery was not very impressive- they sent him home with a temperature of 101, even though I begged them to keep him. He was admitted to our local hospital later that evening after he was discharged from a large teaching hospital. 

But it wasn't quite over

A year later he was in such extreme pain he went to the Emergency Department and was admitted. They later found during an emergency surgery that had to be performed that he had a large hiatal hernia and it 'appeared' the Esophagus was never re-attached properly, it had pulled away so his stomach was floating per se. He was a very ill man but his WILL was stronger than the sequence of events he endured.  He recovered and continued to work even while hospitalized. The second Physician who performed the Emergency surgery kept in contact with me as well as my husband. You need to be an informed caregiver in order to provide the proper level of care, which may include getting in touch with the Doctor if your loved one's condition changes. A good Physician will not only tell you what to watch for, they will also let you know they are available if you need to get in touch with them.  He was a good physician.

At age 41 my husband was feeling well with the exception of knee pain which Dr's told him it's just an unfortunate side effect from the EDS and they prescribed high dose steroids. The steroids seemed to be helping so he planned a remote trip to Algonquin Provincial Park in Ontario, Canada to do a canoe trip with my son, his brother and my son's friend. While he was in deep into Bush Country he ruptured both patellar tendons in a period of two days. He had surgery, kept working from the hospital and from home until he returned full time. It was determined that my husband probably had micro-tears in his patellar tendons prior to the steroids. Steroids can make tendons more brittle and they believe that's why he was an accident just waiting to happen. EDS happened to be the other factor which caused his tendons to develop micro-tears; they were stretching just like a rubber band being stretched beyond its limits. By the time my husband has this surgery I was determined to over- see his care 100% because I felt others had failed him in the past. He had a cocky Physician who didn't seem to respect women very much but I didn't allow that to stop me from voicing my concerns and speaking up for him when he was too weak to speak up for himself.  This physician did not try to stay in touch, thank goodness we had excellent nurses who were more than happy to keep me updated, along with, Physical and Occupational Therapists. 

The Final Staw

In 2009 my husband's asthma appeared to be getting much worse. He went to his PCP who eventually sent him to a Pulmonologist and it was determined that his sarcoidosis was probably symptomatic and causing his Asthma to flare up. For two years they treated his illness as Acute Asthma with no success.  In 2011 my husband's heart rate was also running fairly steady at 100 beats per minute so  they scheduled him for a cardiac cath.  After he had the Cardiac Cath done he had complications with his breathing and they admitted him to the Cardiac Floor at Hamot hospital. His breathing was not getting better and they did a CAT Scan which showed findings they were concerned about. After the scan was read they referred him to a surgeon while he was still an in-patient at Hamot Hospital. The Surgeon performed a lung biopsy. They had to collapse the lung in order to get to the section of the lung they wanted to biopsy. This procedure was called a VATS procedure. My husband was an in-patient for eight days and they discharged him the day they removed the chest tube. Yes, you must have a chest tube inserted during/after a VATS because the lung needs help to re-expand. He had an extremely large hematoma from the armpit to his groin and it covered half of his back and stomach. The Dr. said it was probably due to his EDS. All I can say is that the hematoma was very gross to look at and seriously scared me. They even 'joked' with him that they never had a patient develop a hematoma like that with a VATS and he looked like he had been thrown to the pavement from a motorcycle accident. Yet, they sent him home unhealed!  For the record- he continued to run his business from bed (remotely). He was only out of commission from work for the first 3-4 days.  Amazing guy!

Sequence of events after the VATS and why it's important to do your homework to be a good Patient Advocate

He was discharged and ended up in the local ER 4 days later because his breathing became worse along with increased pain. 
Our local ER sent him by ambulance back to Hamot Hospital and they admitted him for 24 hours stating his symptoms were normal under the circumstances.
He was brought back home the next day and that evening he developed a fever of 101, I called the Surgeon on call with the group that did his surgery at Hamot Medical Center and was told to give him Tylenol. I was also told if the fever was not gone in the morning, to call back?!!
Our local hospital's protocol was to send the patient back to the 'offending' hospital who performed the surgery.
We were adamant that he was not to be sent back there, so they admitted him for 5 days and gave him 3 IV antibiotics. When he came home his breathing was better and the fever was gone. His hematoma was beginning to heal too. 
At some point, his Pulmonologist called with the results of the biopsy stating it was Sarcoidosis, even though we were told years ago it went into complete remission. 
Before we received the results I didn't trust this hospital or the Dr's we were dealing with there so I did a lot of research and made an appointment for a second opinion. 
I was able to get him into to see the Medical Director of Pulmonology at the Simmon's lung Center at UPMC
We were told to bring the pathology report along with the slides. After the Dr. examined my husband and went over his history he asked if he could take the slides to a Conference because he was fairly certain it wasn't Sarcoidosis, yet another illness. 
After the slides were seen by UPMC's top Pathologist and Doctors at a Pathology Conference they determined it was not Sarcoid but an illness called Hypersensitivity Pneumonitis which was caused by a medication he was on.
My husband already had some scarring because the illness was mis-diagnosed for over two years. His breathing became a bit better after the drug was removed.
He was also referred to another Pulmonologist within the group for another opinion because he was struggling to breathe as time progressed over the next year or so. 
They determined he had some damage, his EDS may be a factor and he needed to be put on an anti-rejection drug to lessen his symptoms and stop the scarring from progressing. It's been six months and I'm happy to say he's breathing much better, along with having his quality of life returned to him. 
The Caveat

Once he became a patient at the Simmons Lung Center at the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center the Doctors treated him as a human being, not just a number. Both Pulmonologists have called our home to check in on him, they've kept in contact via email and his second Pulmonologist even gave us his personal email address along with his cell phone number. How often do Doctors do this anymore? I don't think it's very frequent but I can say it adds not one but ten extra layers of reassurance when you know the Doctors care this much! One of his Pulmonologists even kept in touch via email from China after my husband was put on the *first* anti-rejection drug, unfortunately, he had a bad reaction and that is why the Dr. kept in touch. So far he's been tolerating the second anti-rejection drug well with much better lung function.  

Never stop fighting for your loved one if you suspect something is wrong or has been misdiagnosed. remember, Doctors are humans with flaws so do your homework. Go to sites that give real patient ratings on the Doctors you are seeing. Yes, please use google to research drugs, and diagnoses so you can be an informed patient or patient advocate. Education is vital today- we need to be our loved one's second set of  ears and eyes. Finally, never lose hope. There are good Doctors out there that truly care about their patients. It's just a matter of finding the right Doctor or Doctors. 

I can happily report that my husband is still working and running his own business 60 plus hours per week. He thrives on work and with the type of business he's in, he also thrives on keeping up with the latest technology. His love for his family has also been a major factor in his drive to get better and keep providing for us. I can't tell you how much I not only admire his strong will but love and respect him too. 

http://www.upmc.com/Services/pulmonology/interstitial-lung-disease/Pages/default.aspx

The Doctor in the photo happens to be Dr. Kevin Gibson, my husband's primary Pulmonologist

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Facing Sexual Temptation

Everyone—from presidents to preachers—is subject to sexual temptation.

Written by Luis Palau
Tags: Sex, Sin, Temptation
Adultery. It’s a common word and a common occurrence in our society.

But adultery’s stain goes deeper than the individual. More dishonor has come to the name of Jesus Christ by sexual sin than any other sin.

You Will be Tempted.
C.S. Lewis, in The Screwtape Letters, said, "No man knows how bad he is until he has tried to be good. There is a silly idea that good people don’t know what temptation means."

We must learn from the Lord to enjoy full mastery over sex, His marvelous gift. "For God did not give us the spirit of timidity," Paul reminds us, "but the spirit of power and love and self-control."

Proverbs 4:23 exhorts, "Above all else, guard your heart, for out of it flow the springs of life." How can we do that?

Monitor your fantasizing and daydreaming when your mind is idle. Refuse pornography, whether written or in movies or videos.

You can talk yourself into sexual sin. It happened to a friend of mine. He had won thousands to Christ during 25 years. Suddenly he left his wife and became hard and rebellious, even pretending to return to evangelism. I found out that for years he had secretly watched pornographic films, yet preached heavily against immorality. Eventually, like a serpent, it bit him. It has happened to better people than you and me.

Firmly implant in your soul God’s principles established for our protection.
Believe them, accept them, reaffirm them. Study Malachi 2:13-16 and 1 Thessalonians 4:1-8, and make Joseph in Genesis 39 a model. He faced, resisted and triumphantly ran from temptation. But be ready! As my mentor, Ray Stedman, said, "Woe to the man who has to learn principles at a time of crisis!"

The Word of God, as our meat and drink, keeps the inner man and woman strong and sensitive on a continuing basis. "Your Word I have hid in my heart, that I might not sin against you" (Psalm 119:11).

Resisting temptation by quoting scripture still is a mighty tool.

One preacher I know allowed himself to become enchanted by an attractive, sensuous convert who had made advances shortly before he led her to Christ. He resisted and she had converted.

Three years later, he saw her again. He drew close to offer an "innocent" kiss nothing more, he tells us when the young woman started quoting, "No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your strength, but with the temptation will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it" (1 Corinthians 10:13). He left in a hurry!

God will remove His hand from your service to Him if you allow lust to lead you to actual sexual immorality. Samson lost his power. "He did not know that the Lord had left him" (Judges 16:20). So many friends started out well—winsome, friendly, authoritative. Where are they now? I can think of half a dozen on the sidelines because of money, sex, or pride. Useless, lonely, fruitless, bitter.

Beware:
Failure does not occur suddenly, overnight, in one blast of a careless moment or the explosion of uncontrolled passion. Dr. George Sweeting of Moody Bible Institute said, "Collapse in Christian life is rarely a blowout. It’s usually a slow leak." When a man takes that fatal step, it has been gestating in his soul for months, perhaps years. Toying, daydreaming. One step at a time, the sensitivity level lowers. Then, the unthinkable occurs.

Have you stumbled in this sensitive area of your life? Confess, make amends, clear yourself with the proper people. Where are you in your walk with God? If you must get reconciled to Him, do it now! "He who comes to me, I will in no way cast out," the Lord has said.

Sexual holiness demands we not play games in flirting, body language, and clothing. In the cases of fallen men I know, they first failed in precisely those areas. Keep friends accountable before drastic failure, discipline, and sadness happen.

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Bible Terms: Youth Teens face life-shaping trials, decisions, and confrontations.

Teens face life-shaping trials, decisions, and confrontations.

Written by Luis Palau
Tags: Bible, Youth
This article was written by David Sanford.

Vitality, energy, and nerve. Teenagers have it, and adults either criticize or envy you for it. But the teen years aren’t just about pep assemblies and game nights. Teens face life-shaping trials, decisions, and confrontations.

Christian teenagers are in the midst of making choices concerning self-confidence, possessions, dancing, purity, gossip, friendships, and more.So what do you say about these things? Or more importantly, what does God’s Word—the Bible—say about these things?

Here are 14 Bible terms to consider for focusing energy, defining standards, and making decisions as each situation arises.

ZEAL
Have you ever been carried away by passion for a cause? When you are so moved, you can hardly sit still; you just want to go out and do something—that’s zeal. As with all positive attributes, God is also our model for zeal. It is because of His zeal for righteousness that God must punish sin. It is because of God’s passionate love for people that He made the ultimate sacrifice to draw us to Himself.

We should have the same unquenchable drive for the things that God desires (Romans 12:11). We need to be sure, however, that our zeal is not misdirected. If we are faithful in studying God’s Word and letting His Spirit interpret it for us, God will give us a passion for the things he loves.

CONFIDENCE
High self-esteem and personal confidence top the chart of qualities we value. Knowing who we are, where we’re from, and what we’re worth are important concepts. As Christians, on what do we base our confidence? First, we can know that God gives us high value. He formed us in the womb, knows our thoughts, and protects us (Psalm 139). Beyond that, we can be sure that God is not going to forget us; He is, in fact, continually working in us (Philippians 1:6). We can be confident that God’s Word is true. We can be confident that Jesus Christ will come back and call us to live with Him forever. Our confidence is in Him alone, and He is truth.

SELF-CONTROL
Self-control means having control over all parts of one’s self. The Bible describes people who are living according to their “sinful nature” and the disordered ways of the world as evil and having no self-control (Proverbs 29:11). Self-control can only be achieved with God’s help. God has given His children the power to master their thoughts, speech, and actions. With the help of the Holy Spirit, people can truly have control over themselves.

ABSTAIN
To abstain means to refrain from something deliberately and voluntarily. Those who abstain from certain things have learned that a good thing at the wrong time or for the wrong reason may lead to harmful results. Our bad choices can hurt us physically, emotionally, and spiritually, as well as hurt people around us. By instructing us to abstain from sinful activities, God frees us to enjoy the many good things He has given us.

We must seek the Holy Spirit’s help in avoiding things that will interfere with our relationship with God, while recognizing that God does not require a legalistic approach to regulations. Through Jesus Christ, we have freedom to enjoy life, and we need to hold back from only those things that are sinful in God’s eyes or that create a “stumbling block” in the eyes of fellow believers (1 Corinthians 10:23-24).

WISDOM
How often do you find yourself debating what to do in a specific situation? What you need is wisdom—the ability to reach sound decisions through knowledge, insight, judgment and discernment. It is not just about what is best or right for us, but what is best and right in God’s eyes (Proverbs 3:7). So, being wise is much more than just being smart. You can get straight A’s, but without wisdom, you will do foolish things. The wise person makes choices that are rooted in the desire to please God and obey His commands. The rewards of wisdom are wealth, long life, peace, happiness, honor, and protection.

CHOOSE
Scripture is filled with admonitions to choose wisely, to choose to obey, to choose to serve God. We are responsible for how we choose to live—and accountable for the consequences. God chooses too. He chose to send His Son, Jesus Christ, to be the Savior of the world. One of the greatest comforts for believers is knowing that God chose us to be His children—before He even made the world. One of the greatest mysteries is that while God is the ultimate chooser, He also gives people the ability and responsibility to choose (Micah 6:8).

CONSCIENCE
God uses our conscience in three ways: to help us know Him, to help us relate well with other Christians, and to help us interact in the world around us (1 Peter 3:15-16). The Holy Spirit works with our conscience, directing us and convicting us when we sin. We have freedom to enjoy whatever we please, as long as it doesn’t contradict God’s laws.

DANCE
Is dancing wrong? If so, someone should have told Miriam, Moses’ sister. She not only danced, but also led all the Israelite women in dancing after they escaped from Egypt (Exodus 15:20). Let’s not forget David, God’s chosen king. He danced “before the Lord with all his might” (2 Samuel 6:14) to celebrate the return of the ark to Jerusalem. We have all kinds of dances these days: swing, tap, ballet, ballroom, jazz.

The dancing found in Scripture may or may not have had choreographed steps; what we do know is that it was worshipful, from the heart. Dancing was an outward expression of the inward joy—overflowing praise for God’s work. Dancing today can be an expression of the creative gifts given by God—or just another attempt to satisfy sensual desires. What does dancing do for you?

BOAST
Why do some people brag about themselves? Are they insecure or just self-centered and egotistical? Whatever the reason, boasting is not the solution. But one thing is always good to boast about: the Lord Jesus Christ. In God’s eyes we were all sinners, yet God asked His only Son to die for us. That gave us significance! We have nothing to boast about other than God’s incredible concern for our salvation (Ephesians 2:8-9).

GOSSIP
Gossip is saying anything, especially negative, about a person that he or she might not want said. Oftentimes gossip is maliciou —deliberately intended to stain someone’s character in the eyes of others, regardless of whether the information shared is true. The Bible clearly condemns gossip because it violates God’s law of love that should govern all human relationships (Proverbs 16:28).

COVET
To covet is to desperately want to possess something that does not belong to you. Coveting is a serious enough problem that God outlawed it (Exodus 20:17, the tenth commandment given to Moses). When we want something so much that it dominates our thoughts, it shifts our focus from God—and easily leads to wrong actions. He asks only that we trust Him for the provision and for the timing. Coveting is sin.

FRIENDS
Many people wish they could be part of a group of friends. Others want to have deeper friendships than what they have. True friends listen, talk, and spend time with each other (Proverbs 17:17). Friends shield us from loneliness, offer acceptance, and give us common ground. They influence us more than we know. The people we call friends speak volumes about who we are. Friends usually love the same things that we love. The deepest friendships grow between those who not only love God but also help each other grow in Him.

ENEMIES
From schoolyard bully to military foe, enemies come in all shapes and sizes. Most people have a natural inclination to hate or to fear their enemies. In the Old Testament, God continually reminded His people that they had nothing to fear—as long as they trusted in Him. Jesus commands us to love our enemies (Matthew 5:43-45). Loving our enemies can only be done when we completely rely on God, who is love.

EXAMPLE
Who’s your role model? Jesus Christ’s life was a perfect example of the way a person should relate to God. For answers about how life should be lived, the best source to look to is the life of Jesus. In the same way, Christians should live in such a way as to be good examples to other Christians (Titus 2:7-8). If a person is living like Christ, other people can follow that person’s example.

Which of the 14 terms was most helpful to you as a teen (or as someone with a teen you love)?

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Know God

God Loves You!

The Bible says, "God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life"

The problem is that…

All of us have done, said or thought things that are wrong. This is called sin, and our sins have separated us from God.

The Bible says "All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." God is perfect and holy, and our sins separate us from God forever. The Bible says "The wages of sin is death."

The good news is that, about 2,000 years ago,

God sent His only Son Jesus Christ to die for our sins.

Jesus is the Son of God. He lived a sinless life and then died on the cross to pay the penalty for our sins. "God demonstrates His own love for us in that while we were yet sinners Christ died for us."

Jesus rose from the dead and now He lives in heaven with God His Father. He offers us the gift of eternal life — of living forever with Him in heaven if we accept Him as our Lord and Savior.

Jesus said "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except by Me."

God reaches out in love to you and wants you to be His child. "As many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, even to those who believe on His name." You can choose to ask Jesus Christ to forgive your sins and come in to your life as your Lord and Savior.

If you want to accept Christ as your Savior and turn from your sins, you can ask Him to be your Savior and Lord by praying a prayer like this:

"Lord Jesus, I believe you are the Son of God. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. Please forgive my sins and give me the gift of eternal life. I ask you in to my life and heart to be my Lord and Savior. I want to serve you always."

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Our Responsibility In Divinity

Sometimes, you find Christians who, out of ignorance, always pray and hope that God will
do something about their situation. Such people are still functioning in the human nature, instead of the divine nature. The Bible says, “That the communication of thy faith may become effectual….” The word “effectual” is from the Greek, “energēs,” which means “to become
active or operative.” God wants your participation in the faith to become active or operative. He wants you functioning or doing your part in divinity. He doesn’t want you lukewarm or inactive like one that’s handicapped, expecting that whatever will be, will be. No, you’re a vital part of divinity. Glory to God! This has been God’s idea all along. Look at the experience of Moses and the children of Israel by the Red Sea. As the chariots of Egypt approached them
with deadly intentions, Moses thought to pray to God for help, but God’s response was rather stunning: “And the LORD said unto Moses, Wherefore criest thou unto me? speak unto the children of Israel, that they go forward:” (Exodus 14:15). This wasn’t the time to
start praying; the matter at hand was urgent.Acts 28:1-16
Psalms 26-29
Ephesians
1:15-23
Isaiah 43
Prayer
Dear Father, I thank you for your
grace that’s made me one with
you and has qualified me to be
a partaker of your divine nature.
I declare that I’m walking in
preordained paths and bearing
fruits unto righteousness, in
Jesus’ Name. Amen.
Philippians 2:13; Ephesians 3:20

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