What To Do When Someone Tells You You’re Not Good Enough

Throughout my career, I've been plagued by people telling me I'm not good enough. I've been rejected for more jobs than I care to remember. I've heard every excuse in the book for not being hired. Some of them were quite absurd and hard to swallow.

I've had my share of toxic bosses who have tried to hold me back. They used every chance they could get to put me down in an effort to make themselves look smart. They took credit for my ideas and then blamed me for their own failures.

After a while, it's hard not to start believing your haters. I know I did. My career began to plummet as a result. There will always be voices telling you you're not good enough. Telling you you're wasting your time and you should just give up.

Just because someone holds a fancier title than you or has a larger ego, doesn't mean they know what is best for your career. Many people in management positions are still trying to figure it out for themselves.

A few years ago, I fell into this trap. I started to believe that people with senior titles knew more than I did. Instead of continuing to work hard and push to move forward in my career, I began to accept the limitations that others were casting on me. The negative voices in my life were starting to drag me down.

The most difficult part of my journey has been to believe in myself and not listen to the people who were trying to hold me back. I love this quote from, Sean Stephenson: "Never believe a prediction that doesn't empower you."

Before I started blogging, I sought out advice from my boss, friends, family, and my mentors at the time. Not a single one of them advised me to start writing. Little did they know it would be my blogs that would propel my career forward and enable me to pivot into something I love.

Use your haters as an instrument for change and personal growth.

You don't have to listen to what everyone else thinks.
Always remember, the people who say you can't do something can't do it either! Not one person I sought advice from about starting a blog had ever made a dime from writing.

To overcome the negative voices of your haters, you need to seek out mentors who have been where you'd like to go. Seek out people who will coach you and empower you along your journey.

A good mentor will challenge you to get better. A good mentor will point out your shortcomings and tell you why you weren't good enough that particular day. However, unlike a hater, a good mentor will provide you with solutions for growth. These are the voices you should listen to.

To find success, keep grinding, improving your existing skills, and learning new ones.

Every day in life you have a choice to either listen to your haters and give in to self-doubt or go out there and make the changes you need to improve. Do something small each day to improve your career, and over time those small steps will turn into something big.

I've put the days of listening to haters in the past, and it's been amazingly liberating. Once I finally made this decision, it empowered me to begin achieving in my career again.

Originally published on my column in Inc. Magazine

 John White, MBA John White, MBA
Columnist • Inc Magazin

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Choose Your Friends

Have you ever depended upon a friend? If not, you can certainly trust Jesus.

Written by Hope on 24/03/2013
Series: Weekly Devotional
Tags: Church And Community, Friends, Relationships
"He told them, "My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. " (John 15:12-15)

When I was in grade 4 of secondary school, I sprained my ankle. Being on crutches for 6 weeks made it hard to keep up with the other kids. But one friend stayed with me and made sure I didn't get left out. We came from different social and racial backgrounds, but that didn’t matter to either of us. She literally let me lean on her, and I was grateful for her kindness and strength.

Jesus Is Our Friend
Have you ever depended upon a friend like that? If not, you can certainly trust Jesus. He is not just our Lord; He is our Friend, too. He told His followers, "Love each other in the same way I have loved you. There is no greater love than to lay down one's life for one’s friends" (John 15:12-15). My school friend displayed Christ-like love when she sacrificed her time for me.

Chosen Friend
My friend and I were different in many ways, but she still chose to help me. Likewise, God knew that we needed help, and He told His people: "But as for you, Israel my servant, Jacob My chosen one, descended from Abraham My friend, I have called you… For I have chosen you" (Isaiah 41:8-9). God and humans are not even close to equal; but because of His friendship with Abraham's descendants, God fulfilled His plan to save humanity from sin.

Act on Your Friendship
We display our friendship with God and our faith in Him by obeying Him, doing what He asks of us: "[Abraham's] faith and his actions worked together. His actions made his faith complete. …So you see, we are shown to be right with God by what we do, not by faith alone" (James 2:22, 24) Also, being a Christ-like friend to others is a great way to show Jesus' love. Praying for your friends, as Jesus did, is a great way to care: "I have pleaded in prayer for you, Simon, that your faith should not fail" (Luke 22:32).

Prayer, Care and Share Jesus
The Power of a Friendship!

It's so exciting to know that the Lord of the universe, Jesus Christ, calls us His friends (if we follow His commands, John 15, v. 14)! And he wants us to love each other as He loved us.

Last week we started to identify lost people around us, who don't yet have a living relationship with Jesus. This week's step is to initiate a friendship with one of these people.

Do you care enough for a lost person you see regularly, to start being friends with them? You don't have to rush. Pray about this person you identify. If you are shy, ask the Lord or a friend for help in reaching out. Do something that fits your culture – it may just be inviting them for a cup of coffee.

You do not have to talk to them about Jesus right away. Just become friends and build the relationship. Ask them to tell their life stories, then really listen. Share your story when asked, without preaching. If they invite you to do something you don't feel is right, simply decline politely and without condemning. They will soon understand and accept you as you are – because you accept them as they are.

Whether this is easy or challenging for you, follow Jesus' example and be a friend to someone who needs Him!

Pray this week:

For someone who is brokenhearted and does not realize that Jesus is there for him or her.

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Is someone talking behind your back?

Karina and Monika were best friends for over 20 years. Since Kindergarten, they stuck together and created and shared wonderful memories. 

Is someone talking behind your back?

The friendship lasted through marriage and divorce and not even when Karina left for Europe for two years did the friendship suffer the tiniest bit. They are best friends and part of a circle of empowering women that meet on a regular basis.

Now the bond is broken. 

Karina heard from one of the new additions to the circle that Monika was talking behind her back. She was so hurt by this betrayal that she could not forgive Monika. 

Cause and Effect of Gossip
The first thing we need to understand is how people connect. We often do not talk about what is really on our minds. Instead of saying: "My marriage is in trouble, and I am afraid my boss hates me," we might say something like: "The terrible weather gave me a migraine again." 

That allows us to communicate that something is on our mind. It also makes it possible to receive the compassion we are longing for. We can connect with someone without alienating ourselves or giving the other one an awkward feeling. The other person has probably problems of his own and can share how bad "the weather" hit them. 

The experiment
When I was about 13, my bestie, Eileen, took me to her home in Ireland for a vacation. We loved to play games. We played two little games:

We went to a park, pointed on our watches and said "You stupid idiot" (in German) to our Irish targets. The people told us the time. After all, we were smiling and pointing to our watches. It was fun until someone who apparently understood German hit Eileen on the head with his newspaper. 

We decided to play it safe for a few days. We replied "terrible, how are you" in the tone of "good, how are you" when someone asked us how we are. Maybe 1 out of 10 reacted and asked: "Why terrible?". The rest did not listen. 

In most everyday situations people do not want to know what is on our mind. Even the least shallow people need to simplify their approach to life sometimes. Can you imagine how much time it would take to shop for groceries if everyone would give a heartfelt reply to the simple question "how are you?".

Talking about the weather is a safe measure of communication that allows the person in need of compassion to receive what they want without scaring others off or giving them an awkward feeling. 

Creating bonds
I am not saying it´s the perfect way to establishing a connection, and I encourage to look for other ways (you will find many on the Aurorasa Coaching blog). But one of the ways people connect is over a shared "enemy" or belief. 

You automatically belong to a group when you put on your ManU shirt before you go to the soccer stadium. Maybe you will form a bond with a stranger when you discuss the incompetent referee. 

Having a common like or dislike are both natural conversation starters. It´s up to us which ones we choose. 

Most of the time when people talk about others the primary intention is to connect with someone. Not to harm the person they speak about. Or it´s just careless and not meant to hurt the topic of the conversation. They do not as much as dislike the person they gossip about.

Still, being the object of gossip is one of the biggest fear of individuals. 

A disser gets snitched out
The "friend" that told Karina that Monika talked about her might not have such an altruistic motive after all. It might create trust if share who is badmouthing you. 

It makes me the "loyal" one. It can help me to find my place in a new circle of people. 

Here´s the thing: A real loyal friend would have stepped up to Monika and told her that they do not appreciate how Monika dishes out.

The snitch girl was new in the circle and still had to proof herself. This is not about evaluating how good or bad a reaction was but understanding its cause. 

Snitch girl enhanced her connection to Karina by "warning" her about her best friend. They could connect via a shared "enemy." Snitch girl has probably no hard feelings against Monika. 

Most of the time when people talk bad about us it is without any evil intent. Hearing about it from a third party can make it seem like a bigger deal than it is. 

Nobody in this example had bad intentions. Karina and Monika have talked things out and what they have learned is that they are grateful that someone showed them that they need to trust each other more. Sadly for the new girl, her attempt to bonding backfired. She fell victim to the fact that friendship is stronger than gossip and that people love treason – but not traitors. 

Karina and Monika re-connected via a "shared enemy". 

Being talked about is a huge fear of people. Hopefully, the questions below can help us to be more relaxed or selective about what we take to heart:

Do I sometimes say something negative about another person? What is my intention when I do so? Does it mean I dislike them? 
Was what someone said about me meant personal? Do I say something similar about others without evil intention?
What is the intention of the person telling me about it? Are they in need of compassion?
What other ways are there to form bonds and create connections?
Could it be that someone is just compensation his own insecurity or dissatisfaction? Or should you maybe invite them to not be scared of you and share their concerns directly with you?
Most of the time gossip is harmless. Only in a tiny number of cases does the person who talks bad about you have the intention of harming you. 

I´d say: Save your energy for the rare occasions that might happen and smile about the rest. 

Most of the times you can learn that someone is in need of empathy, friendship or compassion. I believe we should spread as much positivity as we can. Help those in need of compassion, invite to use empowering forms of bonding and be empathic.

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